Is it even possible to libel a pseudonymous individual?

Oh for the love of Crudup, this is exactly like the Iocaine powder scene in The Princess Bride...

From yesterday's "joke" submitter:

"I expect an apology as unfortunately that whole story,
with the possible exception of being the perfect
boyfriend, is completely true. The visit to the set
was arranged though the the Make-A-Wish foundation and
my girlfriend accompanied her sister and mother down
to North Carolina. Her sister actually appears
briefly in the episode, "Barefoot at Capefest", in a
non-speaking role. She not only got to meet the cast
and appear on the show, but also had dinner with Josh
Jackson. It was probably not the most prudent thing
to confront her about cheating while she was there,
but my emotions superceded my better judgement. I
think part of the reason that I stayed with her
despite my overwhelming suspicion of her
unfaithfulness was the guilt of having blemished her
sister's visit . I recommend that in the future
before calling someone a liar in print that you give
them the courtesy of proving themselves first. I
would have provided substantiating details if asked.
If you disqualify my story for any reason, it should
be because it slightly exceeds the 200-word limit."

Best regards,

- Beat Royalty

Here Comes the Crud

Okay, all entries have been received, and the sixteen best of them have been forwarded along to the various judges. As soon as they make their decisions, we’ll start posting them here. Until then, please enjoy the following entry, which did not pass the selection process on the grounds that it’s pretty clearly bullshit. Which is sad, because it was certainly the most entertaining piece we received. Without further ado, Beat Royalty’s tragic tale of love, loss, and possibly that kid with the giant head from an old WB show.

"I was the perfect boyfriend. I had been comforting, understanding, self-sacrificing, and even attentive in bed. I had surrendered both nights and weekends alone, so that she could be with her 14-year old sister who was undergoing extended treatment for cancer. I even stayed behind as they went to the set of Dawson's Creek. It was while she was away that I discovered a letter poorly hidden in the bottom drawer of her dresser. This was followed by the discovery of several emails confirming my suspicion that she had been cheating. It turns out that the trip she had taken recently to New Mexico with friends had actually been with someone else. She had lied to both me and her parents and I confronted her with what I had found. She was upset and denied it, seeking solace with the cast of Dawson's. Katie Holmes called me an inconsiderate bastard and Josh Jackson said far worse. I gave her the benefit of the doubt when she returned as I did love her and I think she still did love me as she would lovingly call out my name in her sleep. However, I was never sure as it was also the name of her step-father's cousin, who I suspected her of having an affair. "

And there you go. Real entries to come as soon as our judges get off their asses and send them in. [MEMO TO L.: Let's remember to send the entries to the judges ASAP.]

Announcing: The Cruddy Award

(NOTE: DEADLINE HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO FRIDAY, MARCH 25)

Exes. Most of us have them. Many of us have horror stories about them - from the stuff we put up with while we were with them to the heartstomping breakups. Some of them are scary. Most of them are, with some perspective, funny. One thing is for sure: Most of us think we have the best (or worst, depending) ex story in the world. Well, now's your chance to prove it.

In an homage (this is a classy way of saying rip-off) to The Morning News' recent Tournament of Books, Lindsayism.com and TMFTML are holding the Tournament of Exes. Sixteen stories will be selected and judged by a prestigious panel (okay, basically it's a bunch of bloggers and those guys from The Black Table, who'll pretty much participate in anything) of experts until, round-robin style, the world's worst ex has been determined. That person will be deemed the winner of The Cruddy Award, named after the actor Billy Crudup (only because we like his name, not because of anything that happened in his personal life. Got that, high-powered lawyers?). The long-suffering exee will also win some sort of prize, which we'll announce once we've found something on the street worth giving away. (There is also, of course, the supreme prize of being able to tell your ex that he or she has been declared by the Internet to be the worst ex ever.) Interested in playing? The rules are as follows:

Submit your story of heartbreak and degradation at the hands of an ex to myexsucks@gmail.com by Friday, March 18 at 7pm. Stories can be told in any written form but must be no more than 200 words. Please do not use the name of your ex - that's just pathetic. We'll select the best sixteen stories (or the first sixteen, depending on how lazy we feel) and send them off to our judges. The tournament will begin on Monday, March 21, at The Cruddy Award. Each round will be posted and judged here. Judges, their immediately families, and the actress Mary Louise Parker are prohibited from participating.