Here Comes the Crud

Okay, all entries have been received, and the sixteen best of them have been forwarded along to the various judges. As soon as they make their decisions, we’ll start posting them here. Until then, please enjoy the following entry, which did not pass the selection process on the grounds that it’s pretty clearly bullshit. Which is sad, because it was certainly the most entertaining piece we received. Without further ado, Beat Royalty’s tragic tale of love, loss, and possibly that kid with the giant head from an old WB show.

"I was the perfect boyfriend. I had been comforting, understanding, self-sacrificing, and even attentive in bed. I had surrendered both nights and weekends alone, so that she could be with her 14-year old sister who was undergoing extended treatment for cancer. I even stayed behind as they went to the set of Dawson's Creek. It was while she was away that I discovered a letter poorly hidden in the bottom drawer of her dresser. This was followed by the discovery of several emails confirming my suspicion that she had been cheating. It turns out that the trip she had taken recently to New Mexico with friends had actually been with someone else. She had lied to both me and her parents and I confronted her with what I had found. She was upset and denied it, seeking solace with the cast of Dawson's. Katie Holmes called me an inconsiderate bastard and Josh Jackson said far worse. I gave her the benefit of the doubt when she returned as I did love her and I think she still did love me as she would lovingly call out my name in her sleep. However, I was never sure as it was also the name of her step-father's cousin, who I suspected her of having an affair. "

And there you go. Real entries to come as soon as our judges get off their asses and send them in. [MEMO TO L.: Let's remember to send the entries to the judges ASAP.]